Seek The Substantial

One morning, I thought it would be good for me to go out and take a walk and take some additional photos of the city of Addis Ababa. It turned out that I probably had more pictures of the city than I did of our child, but when we were together, we were watching him and trying to be parents for the first time.

So onto the streets I walk and as mentioned the last time, the store fronts all are painted with bright colors, most likely to draw attention to each particular store. Also, every morning, the store owners take off the metal doors covering their shops for the night and they also most the walk-way. The streets really aren’t paved like you and I know streets to be paved so you see quite a bit of dirt and dust on the sidewalks and Ethiopian people want the entry to their store to be as clean as possible.

There are a ton of convenience stores in Ethiopia. This is an example of a convenience store. It’s really just a small booth, sells water, drinks, and other sundry items.

In the stores that sell clothes, they all have mannequins out front and I’m guessing that most store owners don’t own stands that stay up, due to the sometimes rough sidewalk and so the owners hold the mannequins up by the neck, which is strange.

This would be a typical thoroughfare through Ethiopia. And this is pretty early in the morning, maybe around 8:00 or so. The blue cars with the white tops are taxi cabs.

You sometimes see these ladies cleaning streets.

I would have thought that there is no food in Ethiopia, but sometimes it is plentiful.

These are also cabs, these vans, and they’re more common. It’s more or less like a bus system where people get on and off.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s also common for people to get their shoes shined, so this set-up is pretty standard.

This is also pretty common, which is a set-up for coffee or tea and I think that people will just stop and have a drink.

Dog.

I’m not sure, but Teddy Afro must be a pretty big deal.

Either you can look at this as if the journey is finally over, or has just begun. For me, I am thankful that the adoption process is complete. I hate to speak for Sweet Sweet, but I have no doubt that she felt the same way. It was good to get the news that we were to go pick up Fitsum, a relief. Now, the party starts.

Because I’ve done such an awful job of keeping things relatively up to date, here’s what happened since the last update: Sweet Sweet and I put our house on the market, sold the house in a month, moved in with my parents, made an offer on a new house, bought that house, partially moved into the new house, go to Ethiopia to pick up Fitsum, come home from Ethiopia, moved in the rest of our stuff to new house, Olive got sick and passed away, Blue attacked Zoey, dislocated Zoey’s hip requiring her to have major surgery and requiring me to give Blue to my brother, Ryan, we are now down to one dog, Zoey, we are happily ever after.

Never did we think that by the time that we were settled in coming back from Ethiopia did we think that we would lose two dogs and be left with one. It will sound strange, but our dogs were our family for the first six years of our marriage. We loved our dogs with all of our heart and it has saddened me to no end to know that Olive has passed away and that most likely, due to Olive not being around, Blue has attempted to assert some dominance over Zoey by attacking her. Leaving her relatively bloodied, bruised and broken. Zoey is getting better, although she’s still not putting a lot of weight onto her dislocated leg. My brother will take excellent care of Blue and I’m not worried about that, but the loss of Blue is significant in my life because she replaced Rage and she’s also the name-sake of this blog.

It just hurts.

But to counter all of that, we get to bring our son home.

That has been absolutely joyful. That’s not to say that he’s not part toddler and also part honey-badger, but he’s been a revelation and God-send in our lives.

Before I forget , I wanted to relay the story of going to Ethiopia to pick up Fitsum. This was a much shorter trip, one where we left on Saturday for D.C. and staying the night there, while leaving for Ethiopia on Sunday morning around 11 a.m. We arrive in Addis Ababa on Monday morning and as you might expect when we get to see Fitsum, he becomes ours forever. Here’s Sweet Sweet and I seeing Fitsum for the first time since our last trip:

As an aside, I wore the same shirt Saturday, Sunday and now Monday. That’s how I roll.

He fell asleep in my arms at the transition home and even was asleep at the restaurant:

We hung out our first night as a family and as you can see, Fitsum wasn’t sure about all of this:

Hey everyone.  I now have a new phone that let’s me post things from my phone. So its for real this time as we are on our way to pick up Fitsum from Ethiopia. We travel to DC today l, stay the night and then leave tomorrow morning on that thirteen hour plane ride to see our boy.

I wish I could really explain Ethiopia. The people are incredibly nice, they are very giving, and very polite. But Ethiopia is a completely different world. One that I wasn’t used to seeing. I was not used to seeing children sleeping in the medians of roads. I was not used to so many people being hungry and asking for just a little bit of food. I was not used to houses that I think would be considered shacks here in the U.S. are nice homes in Ethiopia.

When I first stepped off the plane in Ethiopia and knew that I was in a completely different world. To say that it was unlike anything that I’ve ever seen is an understatement and I was honestly in shock. After my wife and I arrived, we took a walk with a woman who was staying in Ethiopia with her 5 year old daughter and waiting to bring her Ethiopian child home (she would eventually leave the same day we left). This was the first day that we arrived and my initial thought was how could this woman and her children feel safe here.

My eyes needed adjusting. I needed to see the forest through the tress if you will. What I thought was an unsafe place really wasn’t an unsafe place at all, but really a place that was really as normal as it could be, but with a lot less fancy stuff. This picture was taken from the rooftop of the hotel that we stayed at:

See those brightly-colored store-fronts? Those are fairly nice shops in Ethiopia. And I think everyone has a shop, usually a one-room shop where they sell stuff. Whether it be a small convenience store, or a restaurant, or clothes, shoes, a tailor, butcher, baker, cell phones, etc., I think a lot of people have shops. I also get the impression that the store-fronts are brightly colored to draw attention to them. The other thing that you might be thinking is that the shops seem a bit run-down. This is what I was talking about when I said that my eyes needed adjusting. What you and I might see as run-down is normal. It takes a while to adjust, but the stores that we actually went inside to look around and shop were nice. They were just fine, but they just didn’t look like what you and I might be accustomed to seeing.

When an adoption agency gets a child, they are then transferred to that adoption agency’s home. They called our home the “transition home” because it was the transition home from the orphanage to eventually going home to their parents. This is the classroom, doctor offices and inside the classroom at the transition home:

These are very nice accommodations in Ethiopia. The children are well taken care of and are happy and well-fed and attend school, and have time to play games. This is good.

I wish I could post pictures of those kids playing, but I can’t.

As we were driving, these are some photos that I took. The first is a nice building that’s being constructed. The thing that struck me as odd was the wood scaffolding:

Next, I saw two places like this while we were there. There were locals sellling goats and there were these places, right in the middle of the city (remember, Addis Ababa is a city of 5 million) and this is normal:

On one of our last days, we toured a coffee factory. The women and men working at this coffee factory:

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Last, but not least, we traveled to one of the highest spots near Ethiopia. Believe it or not, Addis Ababa is over 7,500 feet above sea level, so the notion that this is a place that is arid and dry isn’t true. In Addis Ababa it actually rained every day that it was there. This isn’t to say that in other parts of Ethipia there is severe famine and it’s incredibly arid. There is a reason why people are fleeing from Somalia and Ethiopia into Kenya, but in Addis Ababa, the temperature was a high of 80 degrees and a low of 50 degrees. At this high spot, this is a picture looking down on the city of Addis Ababa:

There is a constant smog in Addis Ababa and this is normal. On top of the highest part was this church (a majority of the people in Ethopia are Christian, our guides said that it was close to 60% and 40% Muslim):

It’s standard to carry granola bars and treats with you, in case you encounter kids or adults that need food. We are not allowed to give food from a vehicle, so, despite women holding their babies and begging for food, you are not allowed to hand a granola bar out the window. The thought is that if you did that, you could cause issues with people surrounding the vehicle asking for food. At the top of this mountain, we saw these four boys. To say that this is an average looking bunch of young people would be accurate.

They are happy, but they are hungry. One boy took the rest of our granola bars and I had to ask that someone translate to him that I wanted him to share. When you don’t have very much then you take whatever you can get. I wanted to make sure that his three friends could share in what he had.

On the way down from the highest point, it was standard to see women carrying these branches down to their homes. Our guides said that the women do this every day:

When I say that I could write for a few more days and hours, that would be an understatement. I think it is hard to make a living in Ethiopia. It is unforgiving and it can be very tough, but it is also very beautiful. There is incredible history in Ethiopia, but it’s largely undiscovered.

The one thing that struck me was that it was so much more simple. At the transition home, each day in the afternoon, the toddlers are given bandanas. Every day, they play with them. I would go sit on the floor and have 16 beautiful toddler children surround me and all want me to tie their bandana on their head. They would then go walk around and show each other, rip off their bandana and go back to you to put it back on their head. This would go on for half an hour to an hour. I don’t think that it was necessarily that the children loved the bandanas (actually, I think that they just might have loved those bandanas), but they loved the fact that you were paying them attention, that you were touching them, loving on them, and kissing on them was really what they loved.

This is Fitsum and my wife enjoying the simple things:

Since receiving our referral for Fitsum in March, many people have asked us about the process of adoption after being matched with a child.  This is a great article by World Magazine explaining the court and embassy process.  The article also explains why the Ethiopian adoption process has started to slow down.  Our adoption agency, America World Adoption, is also mentioned in the article.

 

The next few days after we arrived are somewhat of a blur. Part of my problem is writing when I should be writing. Writing to remember specific details after the end of the day seems to be my problem. Nevertheless, the thing that I remember most is seeing Fitsum.

With that being said, the other event that stands out, and was the entire reason for our trip, was our court appearance. Court in Ethiopia is a little different than court in the U.S. We had our court date scheduled by ourselves as there wasn’t anyone else from our adoption agency making a court appearance.  We were somewhat hopeful that we would pass court and be able to bring Fitsum to the hotel, maybe not that day, but in a couple of days.

We eventually learned that this wasn’t the case.

Sweet Sweet and I had planed on her staying in Ethiopia for the interim time period from this trip to the time we would be at embassy, which we thought would be about a month. We had packed food, toys, clothes, and other things to try to plan for Sweet Sweet to be in Addis for an entire month.

When we got to court, it was a little strange. All of the parents of the families looking to adopt are in one room. There are occasions when the room is supposedly packed, but the day we were there it wasn’t too bad. This is basically a cattle call and you go see the judge when they call the name of the orphanage your child is from. I have to do this in some courts, so that part wasn’t new to me. The waiting was the toughest part as the only thing running through your mind was praying that the paperwork was in order and the judge would sign the order approving our adoption.

Finally, we were called, after maybe an hour or so of waiting. Not too bad. The judge was very nice, she spoke English and she asked us simple questions about if we were ready to adopt and ready to adopt and have a multi-cultural family. We were told that our paperwork was in order, but we were lacking a letter of recommendation from the agency that is the investigative arm for the adoption process in Ethiopia. We were told by families that we had met on the plane ride over that this agency was about three weeks behind and their adoption agency told them not to expect to pass. We were also told that we could ask the judge questions and so we asked the judge as to time-frame for those letters to appear and she said that it was three weeks, but when we told her that Sweet Sweet was staying, she said we could ask this agency to hurry so the letters would get there quicker.

Our representative in court did not speak English and when what the judge told us was translated to the representative, he shook his head. The agency would hurry for no one, and we had heard that this was true. They were behind at least three weeks and should expect that sort of delay, perhaps longer.

We were okay with the delay in the end. That’s not to say that you want to leave your child, but seeing the excellent living conditions and the thought that Fitsum would be well taken care of despite us leaving, I think we felt much better about the situation than we initially thought. He was not just receiving excellent care and plenty of food, but he was also receiving plenty of love at the transition home. The nannies absolutely love the children, not just Fitsum. They all expend a tremendous amount of time and energy for the toddlers and this is not one of those situations where I think that they were caring for the children just because we were there.

It was genuine and it is incredibly appreciated.

One final story to this post. Every afternoon, the nannies would pull out receiving blankets to entertain the toddlers. They would all want to wear them on their head and they would want you to tie them either in the front or the back (they didn’t care, just as long as it was on their head). They would take them off and want you to put them on their head again. It struck me how little children need to be entertained. It’s amazing how much the toddlers loved these blankets and it was absolutely incredible to sit on the floor and have these toddlers sit on your lap and ask that you put a headband on their head.

It was truly good times.

To be completely honest, the trip somewhat snuck up on me.  It’s not that Sweet Sweet and I didn’t have plenty of time to be ready for the trip.  We had waited a year and six months for this moment, but to know that it was finally here was a bit surreal.  We were finally on our way to see our son.  I don’t know that I’ll track each and every day, but the first day of our trip was a long day and it was incredibly memorable because it was the day that we met Fitsum.

The first leg of our trip was a very long layover.  An afternoon flight from DFW to Washington, D.C. and we arrive in D.C. with all of our luggage (thankfully) in the evening and stay the night at a hotel just outside of the airport.

The next morning, we arrive at Dulles plenty early to sit and wait for our plane. Again, everything was going according to plan, other than having a long wait for security, but at this point, waiting an extra half hour seemed small.  Even the plane ride to Ethiopia was relatively easy, other than the fact that it was 13 hours of being on a plane.

It was the arrival in Ethiopia where we it all started to come together.  To put it plainly, things are different in Ethiopia.  Not necessarily bad, just different.  When we landed, the first thing that I noticed while looking out the window was the haze in the air.  That haze lasted the entire trip and it’s a part of life in Addis Ababa.  We did find all of our luggage, however, the toughest part was being able to put all of the luggage on a cart, and then having to go through security.  It’s normal to take donations on the trip, for the orphanages and the transition home and in addition to our donations, we took close to 280 toothbrushes and toothpaste for another couple.  Little did we know that toothbrushes could be such a big problem.  The woman scanning our bags told us that we would need to pay a tax as there was a possibility that we would be selling our toothbrushes.  The woman completes the paperwork and I then go to stand in line.  I’m not used to be pushy, but I was in this case, as I had one person stick their paper under the glass in front of me.  I figured that if I was going to have the tax figured I would have to not allow anyone else in front of me.  Other than taking close to an hour, I went from that line to the line next door where I then paid over $60.00 for the toothbrush tax.  It’s not that the process itself was unnerving, but it was the fact that we were waiting in line and we were in a place that was completely unfamiliar to us.  Sweet Sweet was waiting with our bags and I could feel that she was becoming impatient.  I was impatient too.

We were then worried that whoever was to pick us up from the adoption agency wasn’t going to be there.  We were saved by Job.  Yes, Job, one of the two gentlemen who works for the adoption agency and he was standing there.  I don’t think Job understands how happy I was to be able to meet him.  We get our bags and we head off to the Yebsabi Guest House, which is where most people in our adoption agency stay while handling the adoption process.  We drop our bags off and we meet downstairs to go with a couple who is leaving that evening as we are off to find some lunch.  You may be surprised to know that you can find some excellent Italian food in Ethiopia.  Ethipia was under Italian control for a period of five years, but during that time, somehow, Italian food remained.  We are off to an Italian restaurant and other than knowing that we’re so close to meeting Fitsum, it was just fine.

When we get to the transition home, the family we’re traveling with asks if they can take pictures and video for us as this is our “meet ya” moment.  This is a big moment for adopting parents and this would be the first time that we were meeting Fitsum.  The family’s new son took hold of Miranda’s camera, the mother took my camera and the father took the video camera.  I think we were covered.

To say that it was a special moment would be an understatement.  Although I don’t know this for a fact, it is probably akin to seeing your child born.  That was so amazing. I could go on about how that moment felt. Whatever I write would pale in comparison to those emotions, so I won’t try. The pictures will tell the entire story.

What I can say is that this was the day that Sweet Sweet and I had been waiting on for a year and 6 months.  It’s been way too long.

I wish I could explain how the light in these photos made them absolutely beautiful, but I think it’s actually because Fitsum is so beautiful.

We get to spend half a day with Fitsum before heading back to the guest house, but before we did, the other family that we were traveling with (this was a different family) wanted to grab some take-out pizza as they were leaving in the evening.  At this time I think I’ve been up for a really long time, although I really don’t know the actual number of hours I had been awake.  Some 13 hours on the plane, which doesn’t include being awake for the first 7 hours of that day and then you tack on another 9 hours as we were awake the day that we arrived and that’s about 29 hours or so that we’ve been awake.  As we were talking with this family I’m positive I was nodding off while actively engaged in a conversation.  We were so happy to finally get some sleep.

I’ve got a handful of updates, so at the very least, they are at least a few months behind, but I’m updating.  Don’t complain.  My Sweet Sweet and Ericha, Brandon’s better half, ran a 5k close to Love Field in the DFW.  It was a chilly, but really pretty day.

Myself and Sweet Sweet.

Eve is too cool.

This is Sweet Sweet running to get behind the starting line.

And they’re off.

That’s the runway.

Sweet Sweet and Ericha get their guns up!

It gives Sweet Sweet and I an incredible amount of pleasure to announce that we have received our referral.  In adoption terms, this means that we’ve received a name, an age, some medical documents and other documents.  At this time, we can’t reveal really any information, but last Thursday was a really big day for us.  It’s a day we’ve been waiting on for a year and three months.

As far as a timeline is concerned, as of right now, we’re scheduled to go to Ethiopia in 8 to 16 weeks for court approval and then, hopefully, we’ll be going to retrieve our child 4 to 6 weeks after that.

We’ll let everyone know once we receive a court date.

Just keep praying.

I think I’ve written, “better late than never,” a few times, but hopefully you can forgive myself and Sweet Sweet.

First things first, a quick adoption update.  Referrals have moved quite slowly for the last few months, but as of today, we sit at #10 for boys, #13 for girls and #10 for twins.  Baby steps.  And mean that literally and hoping that this is the sound that we hear relatively soon.

Christmas has been over and done with for quite some time, but as I’ve always said, this cute little blog is a history, albeit a not so updated history of our journey.  Up first is Christmas at our house with Justin, Ashley, Elam, Emery, Brady, Randy and Kathy. Elam was the star of the show and here he is opening presents.

Elam shows uncle Brady how to play the guitar.

Elam’s first firearm, courtesy of great uncle Rocky.

Randy approves.

Brady, Justin and Ashley.

Elam is excited about a soccer ball, so excited he’s blurry.

Up next is Christmas at my parents. It’s tough to see, but here’s Jon, Saralyn’s arm, Darius, the back of Thea’s head, Mom, Hogan, Jensen, Grace, Dad, Ryan, TJ and Mia singing happy birthday to Hogan.

Here’s Hogan thinking about all of the presents and moving so fast my camera can’t catch-up along with Dad, Mom, Marilea and Jon.

Here’s Mia, TJ, Ryan, Dad and Jensen.

Here’s myself and Sweet Sweet.

Up next is Christmas at Justin and Ashley’s. Here’s Uncle Brady and Elam getting ready to do some construction work with all of the appropriate safety gear (I don’t know why I turned on the flash).

Bella, Justin, Elam and Sweet Sweet.

Ann and Ashley.

Brady and Justin.

Justin and Sweet Sweet checking out Elam’s new toy.